1. Cover left-over pizza with a damp paper towel and microwave on moderate heat to prevent turning the crust into cardboard. (Seriously, this makes left-over pizza taste like the Dominoes guy just backed out of the driveway.)
2. To remove the smell of onions or garlic from your hands, rub them on a piece of stainless steel. (I used to just rub the faucet while washing my hands, but then I got brushed nickel. Now I use a spoon.)
3. Make your bed every day. (This never, ever happens. Ever.)
4. Put tobacco on a bee sting. (It really does ease the pain.)
5. Don't bring your work home. Nobody else cares.
6. Fight back. I'm really not much of a fighter, but my mom was always rather irritated by my meekness. She does not advocate martyrdom.
7. Read your Bible every day. You'll be surprised at the insight there.
8. Housework is a necessary evil. Do not become a slave to it. NOBODY CARES!
9. Learn from your mistakes. These lessons are invaluable.
10. You don't have to say you love someone, as long as your behavior reflects that love.
11. Dance, even if you can't.