Things My Mother Taught Me....

1. Cover left-over pizza with a damp paper towel and microwave on moderate heat to prevent turning the crust into cardboard. (Seriously, this makes left-over pizza taste like the Dominoes guy just backed out of the driveway.)

2. To remove the smell of onions or garlic from your hands, rub them on a piece of stainless steel. (I used to just rub the faucet while washing my hands, but then I got brushed nickel. Now I use a spoon.)

3. Make your bed every day. (This never, ever happens. Ever.)

4. Put tobacco on a bee sting. (It really does ease the pain.)

5. Don't bring your work home. Nobody else cares.

6. Fight back. I'm really not much of a fighter, but my mom was always rather irritated by my meekness. She does not advocate martyrdom.

7. Read your Bible every day. You'll be surprised at the insight there.

8. Housework is a necessary evil. Do not become a slave to it. NOBODY CARES!

9. Learn from your mistakes. These lessons are invaluable.

10. You don't have to say you love someone, as long as your behavior reflects that love.

11. Dance, even if you can't.

WHY I LOVE GEORGE W BUSH!

This has absolutely nothing to do with politics and everything to do with traffic.

George W Bush will arrive at 10:30 this morning, visit a local business, attend a luncheon and be on his way by 3:00.

The former President and/or VP would arrive in time for the motorcade to leave the airport around 7:30 in the morning to go to a local hotel for a few hours before whatever event was scheduled. The motorcade would then head back to the airport sometime between 4:30 and 5:30 p.m.

If you've never been sitting in traffic during a Presidential motorcade, God Bless You. If you've never been sitting in rush hour traffic during a Presidential motorcade, you have truly been blessed.

I suppose the fault is my own, for choosing to live east of the airport and by the same respect, east of Nashville. Even worse, I used to work near airport...I had to pass under two runways to get to work each day. So when the President or VP would come to town, things would get interesting.

One morning our FAX machine had died and the boss had run out to buy a new one. Standing in the parking lot that morning helper her unload the new FAX, we were suddenly overwhelmed by cacophony created by helicopters overhead. I looked up to see men with guns hanging out of choppers. It seems one of the braintrusts in the maintenance department had decided to watch Air Force 1 land from the roof of the building...which happened to be directly across the street from the runway.

This is not sanctioned by the good people at Homeland Security.

So Georgie, for making your trip brief and during the middle of the day, I salute you!

Yikes!

More observations on traffic.

I saw one of my favorite things happen this morning. A white pick-up truck driving 70 in the far left lane of I-65 when he shot across four lanes to exit. My question is, why are you in the far left lane if you are near your exit? Or, if you don't know where your exit is?

Tourists. On I-65 at 6:30 this morning. Driving over 80 in a construction zone.

Did I mention that I hate traffic?

The Things I Forgot

I am in the process of cleaning out one of my closets and have been quite suprised. I have found two pairs of shoes and a coat that are brand new, never worn and that I don't remember buying. I now have in my rotation a pair of casual sandals in lime green and a pair of white canvas Mary Jane Keds. I love the Keds. I have always loved Keds. Why don't I remember these?

The coat is black cashmere. Tags still on it. Something I obviously bought on sale at the end of the season one year. I tried it on. It fits. Quite elegant. But ot as pretty as the aubergine cashmere with black velvet cuffs and colar that is my favorite. I suddenly have a wealth of coats. Dress coats. And it is hot. out. side.

I also found a desk chair cover that massages still in the box. A bunch of decorative bottles I bought for the vanilla extract I make, come Christmas lights, and a whole lot of candles. Hmmm.

Oh! and an electric blanket. And an electric mattress pad. You would think that I get cold at night.

HELL'S KITCHEN

Ding. Dong. Melissa's gone. And my girl Julia remains.
I've been a fan of Rock until last night's episode. He was bitter, angry, and childish. Things I do not find attractive in a man. I do expect it to be Roc and Jen in the final two. .

*************NEWS FLASH*********************
John Lovitz beat up Andy Dick! It somehow just seems right.

Harry Potter and Romance Novels

I went to see the latest in the HP series, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It was not the best yet. I like all of the movies, but this was my least favorite. And the shortest. It lacked the terror and suspense I felt in the book and in the previous movies.

The theater was full, lots of kids. Lots of teens. Lots and lots of teens. Do teen-aged girls have smaller bladders than they used to? Seems to me that I could go all day without having to go to the bathroom when I was younger (now is quite a different matter) but the girls in this theater were constantly up and down. And they moved as a group. 4 or 5 at a time.

Then this week-end I found myself with nothing in particular to read so I picked up a romance novel a friend had lent me. Let me first state that I have reached the point in my life in which romance novels do not necessarily appeal to me and I will really only read one author, Susan Elizabeth Phillips. I cannot remember the last time I read a series romance. But I picked up a Harlequin Blaze Romance by Julie Kenner and found myself laughing out loud. I will definitely read more by this woman.

I'm off to see the doctor today about the pain in my shoulder. Not looking forward to this.

Friday the 13th

And I burned my forehead with the curling iron. It is going to be a great day!

Blonde or Blind?

As I stated in an earlier post, I'm experiencing some pain in my right shoulder, do this morning I grabbed a bottle of Aleve from my medicine cabinet and threw it into my purse. I popped two while sitting at a traffic light on my way to work.

But once I got to work, I became very sleepy. I had three big cups of coffee and a 20 oz Diet Dr. Pepper. I've taken Aleve before and it never made me this sleepy. But I was a bit perkier and later in the day and thought, "It's been about 5 hours, I should probably take some more Aleve." I pulled out my purse, reached inside, and pulled out....Tylenol P.M. Can you believe it?

It remind